Re-asses my life

I'm starting to doubt if the military really is for me. I mean all the actual Army skills and combat things, I excell at. That's not a problem at all. It's more of the fact that I question too much, and in the military that's a big NO-GO. I'm a damn private, it sucks. but everyone has been there, gone through it and moved on, but the "almost" 2 years of me being in the service, I never realized how much BULLSHIT there was in teh military, how much unneccesary crap you had to deal with, but then again that's how the real world is right?

Read an article just now about how there's intel sayin that there's 150-200 suicide attacks planned from now through the end of the month. It's not a surprise that attacks will step up; the elections are coming up. But to actually put a figure up, there's something to actually look at, a hard fact, that's kinda unnerving.

here's the link, it's from CNN: http://www.cnn.com/2005/WORLD/meast/01/20/iraq.main/index.html

I talked with my pretty much best friend here "SPC C" we talked about the 2 IED's and shot the shit going from jokes about to a more serious conversation about. I told him how I was in a sick way, laughing, excited. and he brought up an interesting point of view. Could it be because I didn't want to show that I was really scared shitless. because in reality, in the back of my mind, I was. I didn't feel scared when it happened but when things calmed down, and I had time to think about it, it did freak me out, but of course it's natural for that to happen.

on lighter note. my mom's birthday is in 4 days. And for the life of me I'm having the hardest time buying her the SPA Package that I want to get her. They all say that I need to call to make reservations, but I can't call. I wanna buy over the internet but they don't offer it..aAgggh. fuckin frustrating. anyways. Same thing with the gift I got for cassie. I placed the order over the internet but now they want me to call them to verify stuff. AND I CAN'T CALL 800 numbers FUUCK. her bday's on the 25th (OK..CASS..I FIXED IT..)..this is pissin me off.

smoking is bad for you. I promise only to smoke 1-2 cigarettes a day. We PT'd two days ago I was suckin wind BAD. I've never felt so outta breath in my life.

anyways, i'm tired, think Imma early out tonight. I've been tired the last 2 days. they've for some reason been pretty bad 2 days. I got pissed off easily and had odd mood swings, ugh..send me on the road already. I hate staying here. lol. it's funny though. before we got to country we all thought that we couldn't wait to get back to base, that it's the missions that we would dread. in reality its the total opposite.