Journey of a National Guard Soldier going Active

Thursday, November 25, 2004

The heck with ibiza, I'm going on a Eurotrip

for my 2 week R&R I originally wanted to go to Pamplona or Arcos, Spain for the Running of the Bulls festival (San Fermin), and then head over to the Island of Ibiza for some "relaxation". I was told earlier by my higher ups that the army will fly us anywhere in the world; a ticket from Vegas to Spain is around 1000$, so hell ya, I'd take that opportunity to fly there for free. Too bad that all ended up as BS. Truth: THe army will only fly you either to Germany, or Home. That's what I originally thought too, but since higher said otherwise, gotta believe them right? It's ok though, now my plan is to get off at Germany and get me a 2 week Europass for the trains and travel wherever the wind takes me....all over europe, dibble in Amsterdam, maybe dabble in Barcelona? who knows...I don't know the specifics yet; where the train acutally goes, who to go with and whatnot, but this definitely seems like a viable option.

My boys and I are finally leaving the company to join the Gun truck company. There was massive confusion on when we would actually go, first it was not for months, then it was, going in a few days, then yesterday it changed to not for at least 2 weeks, and now FINALLY, 2 hours ago they told us to get ready to go tomorrow. We were also told that we're going back out to the same ranger we were at for four days, except this time we're goin to be out in teh field for 12 days? I dunno...I'll wait to hear it from the actual people there.

Havent heard any news from the other platoon that went on a mission to Bagdhad, Hope they're doin all right.

not much else to report now g g g Goodbye

Monday, November 22, 2004

A Shameless plug for Baby Wipes

I'm back from the CLFX, Four days and three nights, or Hooah Hooah shit, and to be honest with ya I loved every minute of it, I had a blast. We slept outside on our cots, ate some nasty ass MRE's (Meals rejected by Ethipians) and best of all, (If oyu can't appreciate nasty humor...skip it anyways...) I got to experience the euphoric feeling of baby wiping my ass after droppin a deuce. I had to but forgot to bring TP, all I had was my baby wipes that I brought to wipe myself wit,h aka "taking a field expedient shower". So here I went to the port-a-crappers, kinda iffy about using baby wipes, but man ooooh man, was I wrong. Words can't even come close to the surprising feeling of having a clean arse thanks to baby wipes. It's a simple concept that no one really thinks of doing. We all think "oh..its just for babies" I would now like to disagree and would like to suggest the whole nation switch from TP to strictly baby wipes; They clean better, They Feel better, and you're ass will smell good too (not that someone would want to smell your's the fact that your ass SMELLS GOOD). God Bless babywipes. Huggies is my preference, but to each his own.

On the drive over to our destination I got to experience alot of unique "first time" things. I was on the back of a 5-ton with no cover so I can see all the cars and people and stuff. I was in full gear, IBA, Kevlar, 16 and goodies. It was a cool experience for me, when cars would pass, some would look at me with wary eyes, quick glance at me and look away, some would wave hello; I kids mainly, I waved back at em. I saw in the distance a camel herder, lol, that was cool.

When we got to our destination, it was night already, the guys there briefed us on what was going on tomorrow and after that we pretty much racke out, cleaned weapons, ate and then went to sleep. The next day was a fun day, we were taught CQM, (Close Quarter Marksmanship) pretty much self explanatory, it was fun, that's all I can say, Later on that day we had classes on different tactics and stuff. Night came, we racked out; same ol "clean weapons and sleep" what sucked ass however was that aound 5 am it started to rain on us; we were sleeping outside on the flatbed of the 5-ton (with no cover) so all our shit got rained on, lol, mother nature's alarm clock lol, we went through the day with scattered rain, the next day the same. All in all, we learned alot of good info. But what was best was that we bounded that much more, my platoon as a whole came out of that training alot better, closer, and sound. my leaders and fellow peons.

I found out earlier tonight that myself as well as 4 other guys in my platoon are going to be going to the Gun Truck Company alot soon than planned. Rather than a couple of months like we were told, It's gonna be in 2-3 soon, I'm gonna miss my guys in my platoon. That's the bad thing about leaving my unit, the people I've grown close to, but this is something I've been thinking about doing even before I left Las Vegas....Oooohh crap....I forgot to post a blog about Ok, in a nutshell, I volunteered to be part of a Gun Truck unit, who's purpose is to escort convoys from Point A to Point B. To save myself more sleep time/my own sanity, here's a link to a unit like the one I'm going to:,0,2289583.story

It gives basic info, good stuff I say. Ok I needs to go, I think my 4 day's worth of MRE's is about to say adios to my bowels (you soldiers know what the hell I'm talking about......damn MRE's)

I'm out

ps. about that last post, I was in a bad funk when I wrote that bit, it's all true and I'm gonna leave it there, but take it as it's meant for, a vent....that's all :)

"(Thunder goes off) Oooohhh Artillery" ......... (starts raining) - SSG K.

Paradox of Our Times

1. Today we have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time;
2. we have more degrees, but less common sense; more knowledge, but less judgment;
3. We have more experts, but more problems; more medicine, but less wellness.
4. We spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get to angry too quickly, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too often, and pray too seldom.
5. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too little and lie too often.
6. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life; we've added years to life, not life to years.
7. We have taller buildings, but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints.
8. We spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy it less.
9. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor.
10. We've conquered outer space, but not inner space. We've split the atom, but not our prejudice;
11. we write more, but learn less; plan more, but accomplish less.
12. We've learned to rush, but not to wait; we have higher incomes, but lower morals.
13. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies, but have less communication. We are long on quantity, but short on quality.
14. These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion; tall men and short character; steep profits and shallow relationships.
15. More leisure and less fun; more kinds of food, but less nutrition; two incomes, but more divorce; fancier houses, but broken homes.


Wednesday, November 17, 2004

something's wrong

I'm tired. Not "I didn't sleep last night" tired. I'm just simply tired. Of everything. This has nothing to do with my current deployment here, this deployment has, if anything given me alot of time to reflect and think. And I realized that my life since I could remember has been tiring, I hate it too. Not the fact that it's turned out the way it has, but the fact that I feel so guilty in even having the nerve to feel this way, when I know damn well that there's so many people out there with much more harder and unfortunate lives than mine. I've realized that I've been tired for many years now, but I've been hiding it, through new things I pick up to pre-occupy my time; once I get bored I move on. I think that's why I like so many different things, don't like to stay at oneplace to long, like to see and experience new things. Or maybe simply I like to travel. lol. If I had to put a date on when this permanent state of "dunno what it's called" started setting in I would have to put it around the time my mom remarried and we moved from Toronto to Las Vegas, and so on and so on, despite the few little joys in my life from 11 on till now it's been mainly sorrow, I don't wanna give it such an easy excuse and say "that's life" but that may just be it. I'm not normal. I am far from it. But I hide, I've been hiding, not so much as a kid in high school trying to fit in so he acts differently (which I have done), but I've been hiding from myself, and in that process I've ended up forgetting who I really am. I don't know who I am. I never knew what it was like to have a father figure. Maybe that's why I played football, played baseball and maybe even why I joined the army. I remember back in the day in Jr. High seeing my friends wear their junior league (or whatever) t-shirts and I knew that when they played, their dad was in the stands rooting for them. Maybe I joined the army to have that male influence and to end up learning from the older guys and become the best? Maybe it's to make up for the lack of a father in my life? who knows, I'm just tired, I've become a person that I despise, I have alot of anger inside me, and for years I've kept it inside, it will probably stay inside for a long time, but for the last couple of years, on occasion, the anger comes out. I don't like it. I'm tired and alone. Been that way since the move to Vegas. I've emotionally been alone. It's just the way I was raised. My mother wasn't there once she married. So I relied on myself. I want to like to be around people, I want to be a social butterfly, but in the end I am by myself, one part is happy and one part is sad. Happy because I am alone, and am free. Sad because I have no one next to me. (Every ten seconds I keep thinking to myself how sad this is, me blabbing so vainly while my fellow soldiers are dying, innocent people are dying, poor kids go hungry) I want to not have to pretend anymore, I want to find a person that can somehow look me in the eyes without me having to say a word and know me. But I know that if I stop. People will find out the true me and hate me for it. *Scoff, even if I wanted people to know the real, I wont be able to show them; I don't even know real me. I know that I like kids, animals, helping people, cooking,and watching the little idiosyncrasies in life. If I didn't know any better I'd say I still was a kid inside. Maybe that's why I'm such a joker. But then why am I so confrontational, why do I create problems? I wish I could solve that part of my life; it has been with me throughout.

The only person in my life that I think has seen the true me, would have to be one of my best friends, and ex-girlfriend "Nicole" (name changin know who you are) I hid nothing, and she loved me for me, good and bad. I had to go and screw it up. I'll admit right now, even if I had a second chance, I'd screw that up too. She was a one in a million. Perfect on every level that I looked for. But I had to go screw it up and create problems. She is a beautiful girl in my eyes, but to people who's thought I cared about; I was always thinking that they thought she wasnt good enough, I was thinking that maybe I COULD do better, I don't know what I was thinking, but it was wrong, I kept on thinking that it wasnt good enough, that maybe this girl I saw was better, or that girl I saw was better. I can tell you right now it was solely because Every girl I saw that I put that girl on a perfect pedastal, it was un-reality. How can what's real even compare to fantasy? Reality would always lose, and it did, so I cheated, I broke up with her. Get back with her. The whole time, she was always there for me, no matter what. Even when I had tough times, She was there. When it was just me and her, I was calm, elated. But then I had to go ahead and screw that up by hiding again and put up my mask. To what? Impress shallow idiots that I don't even talk to anymore? That's one part of my life I know was 100% my fault, and no one elses.

My whole life I've always put up a facade, cared what others thought of me, too scared to show who I really am. Still am, too used to it. Only now do I realize that it's starting to eat at me, slowly kill me, and I need to stop this, but how? I've been surviving like this for years, I can't change what I've become.

I like movies and book, and I can easily hypothesize why; Escape. Escape from myself. What kind of movies you ask? Romantic Comedies. funny no? That nice tingly feeling you get after watching a flick like Notting Hill? That's what I want to feel everytime I take a breath of air.

In this warzone, I know that when it comes to soldiering, all this has no effect on me. I am intuitive, aware of myself, a superb knack for soldiering skills and combat tactics. That is something that I have studied and learned intensely since joining the army. I am not gung ho insane kill, kill, kill. But I know I am capable, this part of me is neither a facade nor me. It just is.
But you never know, you can never tell how you are going to react until it happens. Maybe I will hug my knees and cry, maybe I will fire wildly and blindly, or maybe I will react the way I was trained and be proud of what I've done.

I'm jumping topics here. It's late, My little window outside of myself is about to close.

We'll be going to a convoy live fire range for a few days, which should definitely be cool. Or I might volunteer to stay back; the poker tournament is on during our lanes our in the field, I have a title to defend y'kno? lol j/k

I'm thinking about taking up photography. I've always had an interest in it, but never had the chance nor money to start up on it. Now's a better time than ever to start huh?To me it's art at its best, through the pictures you take and call your own, it give's others a glimpse to who you really are. I'm most likely gonna buy a Canon EOS D20 DSLR, its a hefty price tag, but I'm gonna give it my all, and see where it takes me in life.

Oh and also, I'm thinkin for my 2 week R&R I would like to go someplace "once in a lifetime" the U.S. Army is paying to fly me anywhere in the world. Right now my tentative plan is to go to Pamplona, Spain for the Running of the Bulls festival then hop over to Ibiza, Spain to relax and enjoy myself. I also seen pictures and read articles about somewhere in Europe there's an annual bigass tomato throwing festival; sometime in August. Any suggestions as to where to go to enjoy something of the likes of what I just mentioned, between the time of March and August? The biggest problem for me right is the fact that I'm having trouble finding travel buddies to go with. Friends from home don't think they can afford it, and friends here have families to go home to. But if any of ya are interested lemme know, and if you pass my test of travel buddy compatablility (test of wha?? what the hell did I just type?) then maybe we can run for our lives down the streets of pamplona next to each other (or at least you running while I fall and get a horn up my ass)

Colin Powell's gone huh? Just a personal note, If he ran for President, Rep. Dem. or Ind. I would vote for him.

"Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything beautiful, for beauty is God's handwriting."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Saturday, November 06, 2004

"Controlled Chaos"

I'm here in kuwait, day 2 of who knows how long. Today we got our RFI gear, some high speed shit, I must say. Applause for the Gov't for steppin up the quality gear for us. Tomorrow's going to suck major balls however, I was chosen as part of a detail to unload our trucks. See, the great thing about being a private is that you somehow are always the lucky one to get chose from details. oh well...everyone goes through it. I hope it wont take all day. (it probably will). I won a poker tournament last night. 60 Somethin people from my unit as well as other units participated and somehow I won it. If I was on live TV and I had to give a "thanks to" whoever got me the win it would 100% be ESPN World SEries of Poker. I shit you not. The hands I got were mostly crap, but all you gotta do is read the person's face, eyes, movements. Once a couple hands were played, I knew I had a good chance; as long as I kept my composure. The finals table had eight people; including me. It took about 1hr for me to win. I don't think I said more than a couple sentences between hands in that one hour. It's funny, I'm notorious for having a big mouth and after the game guys in my unit were coming up to me saying that they couldnt believe that I was so quiet. lol. The winner had first pick out of 3 things; a boombox, cd player, and DVD movie. I didnt really need any of the 3 so I let the 3rd and 2nd place guys pick and then I sold the leftover DVD for 10 bucks; bought starbucks and a Burger King combo, good prize I'd say.

Our leadership is in my opinion "temporarily insane". It's understandable but man does it suck for the rest of us. There's certain guideline/rules put out for soldiers to follow and you can tell that from looking at everyone else that's been there longer than us that the rules are being applied to very leniently, but as for us, its right down the center, ANAL RETENTIVE bullshit that does nothing but aggravate the soldier more than is needed. We're deployed; we're truck drivers; thus we all know that being Trans, the chance of being hit is higher than most other units, thats a burden we all need to absorb, and for some leaders to nag about asinine shit is ludicrous. I hope that the upper echelon get out of National Guard mode soon; or someone's gonna go crazy.

But other than that us peons are relying on each other for morale and so far so good. our spirits are good and so is the I'm eating real meals with choices rather than a one choice item line. Still not restaurant caliber but if you expect that from the military, maybe the military isnt for you...actually...I think the Air Force has Ruth Chris catering them. but still, Army standard-wise..Food=good.

They got us livin in a wherehouse for now...not as bad as one migh think. They're finishing our tent city; that'll be done in about a month. Living arrangements are fine. midnight here...I gots to get some shuteye. gotta wake up at 6 i think...

"No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection. No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat" - Murphy's Law

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Almost there

I'm here at the USOin Germany, on route to Kuwait, gotta refuel, not jetlagging to bad, slept most of the way. Thank god for my Ipod and Gameboy. It's about 10 pm here in Frankfurt. My watch is still on West Coast time; it says 1pm. Elections are going on right now. It's too bad I won't be able to find out who wins till later on. AND YES DWIGHT I HAVE XBOX LIVE. IT'S GOOD FOR A YEAR. On the plane ride over here when the sodas and coffees were being served; I asked for a coke and I got a coke. The only thing was that it was in Arabic. Kinda weird how far American companies have reached. Global economy to its max. We all rely on each other; therefore we must work together. Not push away. Himt Hint. Anyways, my times up. Can't hog the Comp too long; there's a small line forming.

Gary Johnston : Derka derka derka, Muhammad Jihad.
Terrorist: Ohhh! Derka derka derka!

Great Damn movie by the way. Go watch Team America: World Police. It's Worth it